Royal Ascot 2019.
Yikes! I guess you are wondering why I say that five-letter word. Just as well it isn't four, with Her Majesty the Queen in town.
Sure there is a lot of razzmatazz about the Royal meeting. High-class two-year-old racing. I'm not sure about the fashion angle but, I guess, people pay a lot for their hats. Perhaps they should have a race for the Best-Dressed Men and Momen. A combination of a sack and egg-and-spoon race. You have to stop and put your hat back on is it falls off.
But back to the racing.
Do you really enjoy betting at Royal Ascot? To be honest, I can't say I find the two-year-old races easy to assess. I'm pretty sure I can assess them better than most because this is my niche.
However, here's a question: ''How do you limit a winning horse?''
True, if it won a Selling Stakes, you may be thinking it has its work cut out. But how do you really assess the ability of a winning horse? That's the question. I have many and varied ways of ousting a few weak links and some form lines, and the way a horse wins gives a chance to say: ''Yay'' or ''Nay''.
Added the mix are these giant fields. How will the draw affect the chances? I find the lesser horses often set a scorching pace and tire rapidly to drop out of contention like a kipper tie in the fashion stakes.
Then, if that wasn't enough, we have this American bloke who trains horses with a number of rare talents. Big, strong types (and that's the fillies) who set land-speed records somewhere over the pond. Somewhere in the direction of Keeneland, where those four-and-a-half furlongs let the dust fly. Wesley Ward has bedazzled the Royal crowd time after time. Even after a few years, I remember Lady Aurelia stretching clear of the field while I sat in a drunken haze (joke). I don't drink enough to get drunk. No man should drink more than three snowballs in one afternoon!
So, I'm sure you can appreciate my concerns. It's like a strange ambivalence where I'm caught in two worlds - like being sat between The Queen and Prince Philip.
I will love each and every two-year-old horse race. From the Coventry Stakes to the Chesham Stakes and all those in between.
There will be plenty of stories. One is how this bloke from the Fens got through security to sit between the Royals. I will be the ambassador for the common man. One step up from Frankie Dettori (joke).
I will be hoping that those little owners, trainers and jockeys (aren't they all small?) taste victory.
That's what makes a winner.